Main uske liye hamesha available thi, lekin usne kabhi mujhe choose nahi kiya. Aur ye baat mujhe sabse zyada baad mein samajh aayi. Us waqt nahi jab main wait kar rahi thi, jab main uska naam screen par dekhkar phone uthati thi, jab main apni neend sacrifice karti thi sirf isliye ki shayad woh baat karna chahta ho. Mujhe tab samajh aaya jab main thak chuki thi.
Main usse pyaar karti thi bina shor ke. Bina demand ke. Bina pressure ke. Bas is umeed ke saath ki shayad ek din woh bhi mujhe waise hi dekhe jaise main use dekhti hoon. Ladkiyon ki yahi problem hoti hai — hum pyaar ko investment samajh leti hain, aur ladke use option.
Usne kabhi directly nahi kaha ki woh serious nahi hai. Bas har baar mujhe thoda kam importance dekar ye prove karta raha. Kabhi kaam zyada important hota, kabhi dost, kabhi mood. Aur main har baar khud ko samjha leti — “samajhna chahiye.” Lekin sach ye tha ki samajhna sirf main hi seekh rahi thi, woh nahi.
Jab main kehti thi ki mujhe bura lagta hai, woh kehta tha main overreact kar rahi hoon. Jab main chup ho jaati thi, woh kehta tha main badal gayi hoon. Ladke aise hi hote hain — ladki bole toh problem, chup rahe toh bhi problem. Unhe bas convenience chahiye hoti hai, connection nahi.
Maine kabhi usse control nahi kiya. Kabhi demand nahi ki. Kabhi force nahi kiya. Aur shayad isi wajah se usne mujhe lightly le liya. Ladke aksar wahi ladki lose karte hain jo unke saath sabse zyada patient hoti hai. Kyunki patience unhe free milta hai, aur free cheez ki value koi nahi karta.
Main har din usse choose karti rahi. Har confusion ke baad, har neglect ke baad, har ignored message ke baad. Aur woh? Woh har din decide karta raha ki aaj mujhe kitni importance deni hai. Pyaar agar decision ban jaaye na, toh samajh lo wahan se dard shuru ho chuka hai.
Usne mujhe kabhi clearly chhodha nahi. Aur ye sabse cruel cheez hoti hai. Clear breakup se zyada painful hota hai slow fading. Jab insaan saamne hota hai par emotionally absent hota hai. Jab tum kisi ke saath ho, par akeli feel karti ho.
Ek din mujhe realize hua ki main usse miss nahi kar rahi thi, main sirf apni self-respect miss kar rahi thi. Main thak chuki thi proof dete dete ki main important hoon. Pyaar proof maangta hi nahi hai. Jo tumhe choose karta hai, woh bina bole dikha deta hai.
Jab main door hui, tab usne notice kiya. Messages aaye. Calls aaye. Concern aaya. Par mujhe tab samajh aa chuka tha — ye regret pyaar nahi hota, ye loss ka shock hota hai. Ladke tab yaad karte hain jab unka comfort zone disturb hota hai, jab unhe lagta hai ki jo hamesha available thi, woh ab nahi rahi.
Main buri nahi thi. Main zyada thi. Zyada pyaar, zyada patience, zyada understanding. Aur galat logon ke saath zyada hona hamesha mehenga padta hai.
Aaj agar koi poochhe mujhse ki pyaar mein meri galti kya thi, toh main bina soche kahungi — main usse choose karti rahi jab woh mujhe choose hi nahi kar raha tha. Aur ye galti main dobara nahi karungi.
Kyunki ladki jab ek baar samajh jaati hai, toh phir sirf move on nahi karti — woh standard bana leti hai. Aur jo ladka ek baar choose nahi kar paaya, usse dobara chance nahi milta.
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