Mera naam Aarohi Sharma hai. Main Indore ki rehti hoon — ek city jo hamesha fast nahi hoti, par logon ke dil wahan kabhi slow nahi padte. Main Devi Ahilya University me Psychology padhti hoon, aur irony ye hai ki main dusron ke emotions samajh sakti hoon, bas apne hi emotions ke beech dube rahi. Middle-class family, father government employee, mother school teacher. Discipline, academics aur “good girl” image meri upbringing ka hissa tha. Pyar? Allowed nahi, bas ‘safe distance’ tak tolerate. Par kaha pyaar permission poochkar aata hai?
Aditya mujhe 12th ke baad coaching me mila tha. Tall, confident, careless smile — woh type ke ladke jinki presence room ko chhoti nahi, loud bana deti hai. Aur main? Silent observer, scribbler, introvert with poetry inside. Ek din usne mujhe pen diya jab mera gir gaya, bas itna sa contact — par shayad wahi seedha-seedha connection ban gaya jo dil me kahin chipak gaya.
Hum baat karne lage, pehle notes exchange, phir class ke baad chai, phir late night paragraphs. Uska “reach home safely” aur mera “text me when free” ek daily ritual ban gaya. Mujhe laga yahi pyaar hota hai — slow build, soft warmth, shared silence, mutual waiting. 
But mutual kab tha?
Truth ye hai — main wait karti thi, woh aage badhta tha. Main call cut nahi karti thi, woh red button jaldi dabata tha. Main messages me zarra zarra likh deti thi, woh emojis se answer kar deta tha. Par mujhe tab nahi samajh aaya, kyuki first love blind choose karta hai — analyse nahi.
DAU me admission milte hi hum alag sheher nahi, par alag lifestyle me shift ho gaye. Psychology ne mujhe logon ko samajhna sikha diya, par usse samajhne me main phir bhi fail ho gayi. College fests, friends, group studies — woh busy ho gaya. Reply short, calls rare, meetups delayed. Woh kehna shuru: “don’t overthink,” par kaise nahi karti? Pyaar overthinking nahi, overfeeling hota hai.
Ek baar usne mujhe 8 din tak call nahi kiya. Main khud ko samjhati rahi — exam pressure, family matters, maybe burnout. Eighth night ko maine message kiya, “Are we okay?” Usne reply kiya, “Don’t be dramatic. I need space.” Ye woh line thi jahan se hum “hum” nahi rahe. Us space ne distance nahi, gap banaya. Aur gap ne silence. Silence ne separation. Aur separation ne mujhe khud se milaya.
Main ek evening psychology department ke lawn me baithi thi, diary me likh rahi thi. Leaves gir rahe the, air thodi cold thi. Tab pata chala — breakup ek din me nahi hota. Breakup tab hota hai jab presence absent lagne lage. Jab wait permanent ho jaye. Jab ladka effort nahi karta aur ladki excuse banati rahe.
Aditya us waqt apne group ke saath busy tha. Parties, bike rides, instagram stories, naya haircut. Aur main? Library me gayi, poems likhi, counselling assignments me trauma studies. Irony — main dusron ke heartbreak treat kar rahi thi jab khud toot rahi thi.
Kabhi kabhi call aata uska, random — jaise guilt ka timer khatam hua ho. “You don’t talk like before,” woh kehta. Main sochti — kaise karu? Jo dil tune khatam kiya, voh zubaan kaise jeeti rahe?
Dost kehte, “Move on.”
Par move on koi button nahi hota.
Woh process hai — slow, uncomfortable, ugly.
Ek raat uska message aaya:
“You changed.”
Usne kaha as if it was a crime.
I replied, “I grew.”
Kyuki main tab samajh gayi thi — banda tab pyaar karta hai jab lose ho jaye. Aur ladki tab chhod deti hai jab pain limit cross ho jaye. Main uske liye available thi tab tak, jab tak main khud unavailable nahi ho gayi.
Final shift tab hua jab usne ek reel share ki: “effort should be equal.”
Main hansi — irony is sometimes healing.
Phir mujhe writing me solace mila. Mere blog drafts heartbreak se bhar gaye, par publish nahi ki. Main sab jhel rahi thi aur koi dekh nahi raha tha. Ek ladki ka breakup kab highlight banta hai? Jab woh रो नहीं, evolve kare.
Main slowly social banne lagi, new friends, new semester, new interests. Uske texts kam lagne lage, calls meaningless, memories distant. Kabhi kabhi nostalgia bite karti thi — uski white shirt, coaching ke stairs, chai ki steam, shallow compliments — sab flashback me dard deta tha. Par main static nahi, dynamic thi.
Ek saal baad woh suddenly campus aaya, mujhe dekh ke ruk gaya — jaise time reverse ho gaya. Main psychology lab se nikal rahi thi, books haath me, confidential eyes par kohl. He looked shocked, ya maybe aware — ye main nahi thi, ye woh Aarohi thi jo survive karke shine karna seekh gayi thi.
Usne sirf ek line boli:
“You seem different.”
And main bas muskurake boli:
“You never really knew me.”
Us pal pata chala — ladke loss tab feel karte hain jab replacement fail ho jaye. Jab newest option thrill nahi deti. Jab ego defeat ho, memory return ho.
Woh phir se talk karna chahta tha. Past repeats hona chahta tha. Par maine allow nahi kiya. Pyaar second hand nahi hota. Jo ek baar tod diya gaya ho, uski value repair se nahi, exit se prove hoti hai.
Main blog likhne lagi. Har post me thoda dard, thodi wisdom, thoda growth — aur ek message:
Girls don’t break easily, we break deeply.
And when we heal, we never return.
Aditya keh raha tha friends ko — “she became heartless.”
Par truth deeper tha —
main heartless nahi bani, main selective bani.
Main cheap validation nahi, pure effort chahti thi.
Usne kabhi samjha hi nahi.
He had my presence, not my permanence.
Usne pyaar ko guarantee samjha, gift nahi.
Aur main guarantee nahi, gamble nahi — main investment thi.
Aaj main third-year psychology student hoon, internship kar rahi hoon relationship counselling me. Irony poetic lagti hai — jis ladke ne mujhe heartbreak diya, us heartbreak ne mujhe passion diya. Main patients ko kehti hoon —
Love someone who doesn’t need to lose you to value you.
Kabhi kabhi raat ko phone me uski old chats khul jati hain. Kuch lines warm lagti hain, kuch fake.
Par sab memory ban chuki hai — museum piece jaisa, dekh sakti hoon, feel nahi.
Agar woh aaj bhi call kare, shayad main uthau.
But not to return —
sirf utna kehne ke liye:
"Tum perfect nahi the. Main bhi nahi.
Lekin main sachi thi. Tum convenient."
Woh ladke kabhi galat nahi lagte starting me.
Bas end me samajh aata hai — love is not about who we love first,
it’s about who we don’t need to love again.
images sources Wallpapers.com Pinterest (pinimg.com) Westend61.dev Peakpx.com PNGTree.com
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